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He never had any money. I was always astonished that he never had any money even though he lived with his parents.

He never felt like doing anything exciting. If I wanted to do something that involved movement, he would never want to do it.

We only ever hung out at his place and got high. Not really my idea of fun. I only ever smoked at parties or when my friends would pressure me into it.

He always smelled like weed. At first, I actually liked the smell, but then it started to get old. I swear the stench is still not out of my clothes.

We always ran into problems because of it. Ugh, never again. You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. I think the cannabis has affected his emotional development.

He's been doing it for many years. I have sought help and have lots of information for him about assessments and treatment.

When I presented all this, he stormed off and disappeared. It's been five weeks. I don't want to cut him out of my life just for the sake of my values.

Is there a way to have both? Because, at least from what I've heard cough, cough, columnist's eyes dart around fishily , the whole point of smoking pot is to disengage from, and tune out, everything and everyone around you.

Apparently, when you "get high," you float around on a fragrant, nirvanalicious cloud of "mellow vibes," soaring above about the "hassles" of everyday existence.

Potheads don't like to deal with things, they don't like friction and confrontation: that's why they get high in the first place!

But now you're "harshing his mellow" with your demands that he engage with you and meet your needs. Which probably has him groping for his stash more desperately than ever.

He may need to smoke a whole baggie of hydroponic to get high enough to ignore the querulous beefs of someone as close to him as you. Don't get me wrong.

Pot, like alcohol, like anything, is great in moderation, and everyone has the right to relax. But frankly, I wouldn't get involved with a morning-noon-night type pot-smoker at all.

At some point, on some level, these "wake and bake" types have pretty much decided to check out. Research on marijuana addiction is inconclusive, but you can bet that anything that comes between a smoker and his "chronic" has to go.

And that includes human beings, even those who love the round-the-clock stoner - which is terribly sad. The best things in life, in my view, are a the feeling you get when, after a bunch of hard work, you accomplish something you're proud of; b loving and being loved, taking care of and being taken care of, by other human beings.

Getting high, they tell me, mimics these feelings, except without all the drag of hard work and the hassle of getting involved with human beings and their problems and needs.

I'm not saying give up on this guy. All people and situations are salvageable: that's the whole point of this column. Rather, I would say: Drop an ultimatum on his fuzzy, pot-clouded melon: "It's me or the bong, buster.

Honestly, I don't like your chances in the short-term. If he disappears for five weeks when presented with a fistful of health-care brochures, I imagine he won't react well to your ultimatum.

He'll wonder why you're being so "uptight," why you're "freaking out" on him, and why he can't have both you and his beloved bud, dude.

But make it clear he can't. Because if you give in, let him have both, it will end in tears and heartbreak, I can pretty much assure you.

Meanwhile, his Netflix subscription may contain colorful, trippy films like The Wizard of Oz or A Space Odyssey , which are infinitely better under the influence of drugs.

While exposure to pot may not be good for you, exposure to different music and movies will invariably deepen your pop culture palate. They're low-stress.

Isn't it annoying to date someone who doesn't know how to relax? They have funny stories to tell. Ask him about the first time he got high, and watch him launch into an epic tale of misdeeds.

If you've already heard that story, ask him whether he's ever gotten close to being busted yes , whether he's ever sneaked someone a pot brownie yes , or how she met her dealer.

When a high goes wrong, they can help out. We recently read a story on Gothamist about two high school girls who were hospitalized after eating a pot brownie.

Not everyone takes to marijuana, but you can trust a stoner to know what to do when someone needs help during a bad trip. On a related note, while YourTango does not condone illegal activity, we will recommend consulting your pot-smoking boyfriend if you ever feel like trying it out.

You should not attempt to get high for the first time without an experienced person present. You might accidentally eat a pot brownie.

Or if he's a jerk, he might sneak you some or make you feel like a total prude for not wanting to smoke up.

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